Have you ever watched a river flow? When the river is in its full glory, it can take with it the strongest of rocks, trees and anything else that comes in its way. When I was young, I heard my elders say that as a human being we have three choices in life. You can swim against the tide and get exhausted, or you can tread water and let the tide sweep you away, or you can swim with the tide, and let it take you where it wants you to go. Swimming against a tide was almost reserved for the heroes whom we would look up to, the people who dared to choose a different path in their lives, people who made it despite all odds. These people were almost like demi gods doing what we thought was super human effort.
As I grew up I saw many people around who were not so great and did not always swim against the tide. Yet they were very successful in their lives. It made me wonder about all the advice that I got from my elders and the authenticity of the stories I was told. If what they said was true then how come there are people around who seem to be doing things with rather ease. How many times have we heard these sayings?
No Pain No Gain!
Life is not a bed of roses!
Life is Hard!
When we are faced with life’s situations our natural tendency is to do one of the following: 1. Pull back and play the victim OR 2. Become the fighter and try and change the situation. Both these approaches in my view are flawed. When you pull back you are essentially accepting defeat and resign to the fact that things are beyond your control. You will generally say things like “There’s not anything I can do” or “Circumstances got the better of me” or “What’s the point in trying to fight”. On the other extreme when you decide to pick up a fight, you are on the offensive. You want to “Take Charge” of the situation and change it to become more favorable. In this mode you are willing to “fight it out” to get the desired outcome or result. The fact of the matter is no matter how tough you are, you are never going to hit as hard as life. What matters is not how hard you can hit but, how hard you can get hit and keep going!
Life is like a river which is constantly flowing. Most of the times it is calm and flows at a pace when you and I have no trouble getting into and staying in the water. However, from time to time the river will flow faster and wilder and this when the boats start rocking. This usually happens when there is some sort of change in its environment, like when it’s flowing downstream or there is a storm or something which changes its velocity of flow. This is when it is generally advised not to enter the river as it can wash you away quicker than you can think.
In life you will be faced with similar situations when life will punch you down, you will see setbacks, disappointments and failures. Nothing you so will seem to have any impact. When this happens, how do you respond to the situations?
You have 3 choices
1. Try and stop the flow
This is the “When the going gets tough, the tough get going” approach to life. This is when you try to fight the situation and try and change it. The fact of the matter is that there is absolutely nothing about the situation that you can do. The situation cannot be changed. What you can do is choose your ‘response” to the situation. While this approach can work in some situations, its reserved for those who are already “tough”. Most of the times, these setbacks and failures in life are so bad that even the toughest get swept by their feet.
2. Flow with the river
This is when you choose to become the victim of the circumstances. This is when you end up using words like “compromise”, ‘sacrifice” and “accepting reality”. What you are accepting is that you do not have a choice and you are at the mercy of the situation. The reality is that you ALWAYS have a choice. You can choose how you respond to the situation. No matter what the situation, this is one thing that no one can take away from you. While this is easier said than done, it does not take away the fact that you do have the freedom to choose your response. Most of the times we fear the consequences of our choices and as a result make a choice which may not be something we wanted. When we stop focusing on the self and only look at the situation, we have a feeling of powerlessness, unable to respond and quickly go into a blame game. The biggest drawback of flowing with the river is that you become a slave of circumstances and will flow in any direction the river takes you. You have no control over your life and you are like a small pebble which drifts with the tide and has no clue on its destination and more importantly does not choose its journey.
3. Let it flow and you watch from the shore
The 3rd option is to step back out of the river and watch the river flow. What does this mean in real life? It simply means to take time off to observe, learn and introspect on what life is trying to teach you. This is when you spend time with yourself, working on developing your skills, your attitude and your general approach to life. You spend your time in self-introspection acceptance and self-transformation. Instead of going with the flow or resisting the flow, you will learn from the situation and start preparing yourself for the next time you are faced with the same situation.
You learn to accept the situation and not your fears. There is a vast difference in the two. Accepting your fears is a sign of escapism while accepting a situation is a sign of wisdom. You accept that the situation just “is” and instead of focusing on Why is this happening, you focus your energies on what will be your response. Thats when you start focussing on things which you control and make an impact and bring about change!